The Night Before Departure

Today is my last day and it is painful. The last couple of weeks I have been fighting to come up with some way to stay in this wonderful country. I have never been happier than I have been in London. The homesickness I feel is nothing in comparison to the sadness that is overwhelming me at the thought of going back to the mediocre life I left behind.



I feel, I don’t know, I suppose I feel very cosmopolitan and adult flitting from north to south London. Meeting people from all over Europe rather than from my state or other states. I feel that I have learned more in almost four months than in my entire life. My eyes have been opened to the narrowness that Americans live in. Granted I do not believe that it is necessarily our fault that we think this way. The United States is huge. Travelling toward the east coast is a feat in and of itself.



Right now I hate the idea of leaving all of this behind to look for a job in Olympia. They warned me that I would feel this way. They warned me that this would become my new normal. I’m meant to go home and find a job and live out my life there?



My emotions are not mixed like the others. I’m absolutely certain that I want to come back here and live out the rest of my life. I want this diversity. It is a struggle to find the words without tears accompanying it. I have never felt closer to my flat mates than the night before departure. We can barely hold it together around each other when one of us voices our pain. I will miss the bus, the sweltering heat of the tube, the English electronic voice that accompanies all travel within the city, I will miss the shear grandeur, the lifestyle, the amazing food!



Hello from the future! Reading this now almost six months later is bittersweet. I remember this feeling now and it is still inside me. I yearn to return but it isn’t my end goal anymore. I couldn’t find a way back and all signs point toward living here. I will live and work here and try to make a life for myself. I thought I felt bad before leaving but it was nothing in comparison to the depression that took over after I arrived back in my home town.