Home From Abroad - Reverse Culture Shock

Home.

Jetlag, let’s talk about it. Not only was I jetlagged but my schedule was completely backwards. I also feel closer to those I left behind in the U.K. so it is hard for me to find the willpower or inspiration to change my schedule when it makes it more difficult for me to speak to them. Unlike my flat mates who went back to the beginnings of their next semesters and routine, I had finished my bachelor’s degree in London. I had nothing to do but complete my Gilman requirements and to find a job. These things are not the motivation you need to fix your sleeping schedule. Useless.

Reverse culture shock WRECKED me. I didn’t want to be back in the U.S. I didn’t want to get used to driving again. I didn’t want to find a job. I didn’t want to hear American accents. It was torture for weeks. I went to a very dark place and ended up seeking out a psychologist.

Culture shock is somewhat expected when you are travelling abroad but coming home and feeling it is kind of shocking. I was warned but it was nothing like what happened. I was crushed.

My only advice is to make a plan, get professional help, and don’t suffer alone. Talk to people about how you feel and ask for advice. There are ways to ease your return.

I’m involved! I found new purpose. I found a job to strive for, made a plan, and I’m volunteering with CEA as an abroad ambassador.

The Night Before Departure

Today is my last day and it is painful. The last couple of weeks I have been fighting to come up with some way to stay in this wonderful country. I have never been happier than I have been in London. The homesickness I feel is nothing in comparison to the sadness that is overwhelming me at the thought of going back to the mediocre life I left behind.



I feel, I don’t know, I suppose I feel very cosmopolitan and adult flitting from north to south London. Meeting people from all over Europe rather than from my state or other states. I feel that I have learned more in almost four months than in my entire life. My eyes have been opened to the narrowness that Americans live in. Granted I do not believe that it is necessarily our fault that we think this way. The United States is huge. Travelling toward the east coast is a feat in and of itself.



Right now I hate the idea of leaving all of this behind to look for a job in Olympia. They warned me that I would feel this way. They warned me that this would become my new normal. I’m meant to go home and find a job and live out my life there?



My emotions are not mixed like the others. I’m absolutely certain that I want to come back here and live out the rest of my life. I want this diversity. It is a struggle to find the words without tears accompanying it. I have never felt closer to my flat mates than the night before departure. We can barely hold it together around each other when one of us voices our pain. I will miss the bus, the sweltering heat of the tube, the English electronic voice that accompanies all travel within the city, I will miss the shear grandeur, the lifestyle, the amazing food!



Hello from the future! Reading this now almost six months later is bittersweet. I remember this feeling now and it is still inside me. I yearn to return but it isn’t my end goal anymore. I couldn’t find a way back and all signs point toward living here. I will live and work here and try to make a life for myself. I thought I felt bad before leaving but it was nothing in comparison to the depression that took over after I arrived back in my home town.

The Day Before Departure

The Day Before

Goodbyes. I am on an emotional roller coast today as I prepared to leave for London in a few hours. I have rushed around, checked and rechecked, and worked myself into a panic. Basically all the ear markers of serenity and success! Ha ha. I can’t wait to leave (in fact I wish I could just leave right now) but my stomach is a flurry of nervous butterflies. I’m still waiting for the funds from Gilman to be deposited into my account. It is supposed to deposit a few days after I arrive. I could be surrounded by people who are any more comforting, supportive, and loving. This never would have been possible without the incredible generosity of so many people. My emotions are running high and writing about this right now is humbling and overwhelming. I cannot believe that it is really happening. I did it. All that work, blood, sweat, and tears later and I am set and ready to go.

Hello from the future. I remember this departure day really well. I threw up SOOOO many times on the way to the airport. I had no idea why (turns out I had the flu then and for days after I arrived).

I’m adding this information in because the program thought that I was suffering from homesickness or panic. I never get sick (I hadn’t at the flu in years because I have an autoimmune disease that is super over active and prevents things like the common cold and the flu). I didn’t recognize the symptoms and I wasn’t throwing up food because I was too sick to shop.

I was emotionally wrecked. I doubted myself, maybe I wasn’t STRONG enough for this trip. Maybe I need to be sent home. I couldn’t stand it. Finally, they took me to the doctor and I was diagnosed with the flu and sent home.

My advice is to talk to people. Tell them exactly what is happening and that you need help. They can’t put themselves in your shoes unless you describe your shoes to them.